Remembering

I'm going to take some time this week to walk through this time last year - when Andrew was admitted to the ICU and died 8 days later.  This is a true account of what happened, no exaggerations or dramatic statements. Not exactly a perfect holiday cheer blog post -but this is my real life.

Friday November 18, 2011

It had been about a week since I'd seen Andrew, I had spent some time with him in Fort Langely, BC where he was receiving treatment.  I was having a normal-ish day and needed to grab a baby shower gift for a friend's shower the next day.  I had both kids and was standing in the middle of Along Comes A Baby when my phone rang.  It was Ashley calling and I knew right away it wasn't good.  My heart fluttered and for a split second I thought that if I didn't pick up then it wouldn't be true.  I answered and Ashley told me that, sure enough, Andrew's condition had drastically changed and that she needed either Tyler or myself to come right away and help her.  Within a few minutes I was on the phone with Tyler and within an hour he had left his office, grabbed his passport and was in Fort Langley.  Tyler and Ashley carried Andrew out of the house, down the stairs and into her car.  She drove him to Swedish in Seattle and he was soon admitted to the ICU.  I spent the afternoon and evening at home, trying to stay calm and on the phone with family for hours.  I spent my Friday night making "the phone call" to Rachel.  Those are never fun.  I told her to please sit down and then went on to tell her Andrew was in the hospital and all the details that came.  Those are moments you swear you've seen on TV or in a movie but then all of a sudden you are thinking to yourself, this is really happening right now!  Very surreal.

Saturday November 19, 2011

We woke up Saturday morning pretending it was going to be a normal day.  I'm not really sure what we did that morning but we had lunch, put Sonja down for her nap and I was getting ready to attend my friend's baby shower.  I literally opened my front door, took one step outside and my phone rang.  Again, heart flutter, hesitation, thinking...I'm just going to not answer and go to this baby shower BECAUSE I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE NORMAL. But alas, I answered within a few seconds and my mother was on the other line, crying, telling me the doctor told her that Andrew is quickly dying.  I walked back inside, told my mom we'd be there soon and hung up the phone.  I stood in the kitchen and let my head fall into the cupboard as I began to wail.  Tyler was by my side and within one hour we had packed, woken Sonja from her nap and were in the car driving to Seattle.  Tyler drove, the kids were stunned and confused in the backseat and I sat in the front with two phones - on the phone with family on one and looking up flights on the other.  Nobody wanted to tell Sarah what was going on, as she was in the middle of finishing her fall quarter finals of freshmen year.  I knew in my heart that she needed to know and be home, so I again had to make "the phone call" and had to carefully explain to my baby sister that she needed to pack her bags, not worry about her finals and please get to the airport because I was buying her a ticket to come home that night.  Texts and phone calls were going out, altering friends and family to what was going on and by the time we got to Seattle my good friend was at my mom's to watch the kids so we could go to the hospital.  Tyler and I made our way up to the hospital and bumped into family, friends, people coming to say their last goodbye.  We all were stunned and couldn't believe that this "was it". Walking down that hall in the ICU and into his room and seeing him hooked up to every machine is again, something you will never forget.  The room was dark and quiet, except for the beeps of the machines.  We spent a few hours there, talking to Andrew, even though he was in and out of it.  At some point I went home, nursed my baby then went back to the hospital.  Rachel and Sarah were picked up from the airport late that night and when they arrived we all let out a huge sigh of relief.  They made it.  In time.  Those moments were sacred. All of us together, as a family.  Close friends came and we all stood around Andrew trying to make sense of it all.  Next door to Andrew's room was a private family room they gave us, so my mom, sisters and I spent the night in the chair, couch and on the floor.  We hardly slept but we couldn't leave.  When I would drift to sleep I would awaken with a fright, wondering, "is he still here?". It was perhaps one of the longer nights of my life.