Ashley & Andrew

I will never forget the first time I met Ashley. I was visiting Andrew in the hospital with my kids and she walked by his room, decked out in her crimson WSU scrubs. She looked in and saw the kids and stopped in his door. She smiled and said, "I wore these scrubs for you!" Andrew (a staunch Husky) and her had a laugh. She was beaming and excited to meet my girls. She left the room after a few minutes and I turned to Andrew and said, "WHO IS THAT?, she is CUTE!". He told me who she was and that he liked her. He said she was kinda seeing someone, "but don't worry...I'll get her". From the moment I saw and met Ashley, I loved her. Over the months they became fast friends and quickly realized they had both found true love.

Ashley became a Moritz sister, though not by law, but by love. We love her as our own and she will always be one of us. She and Andrew didn't have long together on this earth, but their love was real and true in the most magical way. It was beautiful to witness. She was sent to us, to him, to love. Andrew had said that he was afraid to die with out ever meeting someone he loved. But he said, "but then I met Ashley". He told me he was so sad to think about life without Ashley. He died holding Ashley's hand. They will one day be together again.

The Moritz Sisters

(photo by Kristen Gough)

5 days after Andrew died us sisters went and did this:

(photo by Kristen Gough)

Something I never thought I would want to do. But when someone who is a part of you dies, you are compelled to take extreme measures to remember and honor them. This tattoo is an almost exact replica of one of Andrew's tattoo's. He got his "Drew" tattoo in college on his right arm. We took lots of pictures of it and gave them to the tattoo artist. He shrunk the size down, thinned out and shaded some of the lines to make it a bit more feminine. I love my tattoo. Every time I look at it I am proud of my brother and am honored to have a piece of him with me.

January

This month we have been trying to find some sense of normalcy. We've been home a lot with very little plans. It's been nice, although we sure are ready for some sandy beaches that may or may not be in our near future :) Some pictures from the last few weeks...

Our climber! Also, usually has a toothbrush in hand, much to Tyler's dismay

It snowed this week! Riley, our daring and brave girl. We always push her to try (almost) anything. She has proved to be quite bold. We love this about her. She bombed down hills on her tummy on the sled. I was quite the proud mother :) (Even when she flew into the bushes a few times)

Happy Weekend!

A little update

The last 4 months of my life have been a whirlwind, yet they feel like a lifetime. I'm not sure if anyone is even still reading this, but I enjoy posting photos of my kids here, so I'm going to give this a try again.

If you don't know what I've gone through, you can read my brother Andrew's blog by clicking here. Andrew died on November 26, 2011 after living with cancer for 3 years. Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and loving during this process. And really, the process of grieving has just begun. It has actually gotten worse and harder as time has continued forward. I think we were all protected in a bubble those first few weeks, motivated by the details we had to take care of and running on some kind of adrenaline. But now, as everyone has gone back to their lives, we are left with the emptiness and it just feels awful. Since my kids are young and demanding, I am often caught up in the day to day and march through the motions of my responsibilities. Whenever I have a quiet moment, the grief overtakes me and I am at a loss as to what to feel or think. It feels impossible that I have to live the rest of my life without Andrew, my brother and most favorite person. I'm sure I'll write about the process and my thoughts about it in this space from time to time. Mostly I'd like to continue to post about our weekly happenings, as now the small moments seem so much more relevant to me. And finding something to smile about (my kids!) is healing too.

October 2011:

My mom, siblings & I, the night before the run/walk at Greenlake that benefited Andrew. Watch a short video capturing the turnout here.

Halloween 2011 - yep, I dressed up as Snow White!

November 2011:

My baby turns 4 and we throw her a fancy tea party!

Thanksgiving 2011 ~ last thanksgiving and photo with Andrew

December 2011:

The day after Andrew's service we ride the monorail, visit the Space Needle and do downtown with Tyler's mom

Riley's first Nutcracker

Preschool Christmas program, Riley is a mouse in the manger scene

Santa Train, an annual tradition. I love that Sonja is screaming. It's classic!

Hope to be back here soon.