Ashley & Andrew

I will never forget the first time I met Ashley. I was visiting Andrew in the hospital with my kids and she walked by his room, decked out in her crimson WSU scrubs. She looked in and saw the kids and stopped in his door. She smiled and said, "I wore these scrubs for you!" Andrew (a staunch Husky) and her had a laugh. She was beaming and excited to meet my girls. She left the room after a few minutes and I turned to Andrew and said, "WHO IS THAT?, she is CUTE!". He told me who she was and that he liked her. He said she was kinda seeing someone, "but don't worry...I'll get her". From the moment I saw and met Ashley, I loved her. Over the months they became fast friends and quickly realized they had both found true love.

Ashley became a Moritz sister, though not by law, but by love. We love her as our own and she will always be one of us. She and Andrew didn't have long together on this earth, but their love was real and true in the most magical way. It was beautiful to witness. She was sent to us, to him, to love. Andrew had said that he was afraid to die with out ever meeting someone he loved. But he said, "but then I met Ashley". He told me he was so sad to think about life without Ashley. He died holding Ashley's hand. They will one day be together again.

The Moritz Sisters

(photo by Kristen Gough)

5 days after Andrew died us sisters went and did this:

(photo by Kristen Gough)

Something I never thought I would want to do. But when someone who is a part of you dies, you are compelled to take extreme measures to remember and honor them. This tattoo is an almost exact replica of one of Andrew's tattoo's. He got his "Drew" tattoo in college on his right arm. We took lots of pictures of it and gave them to the tattoo artist. He shrunk the size down, thinned out and shaded some of the lines to make it a bit more feminine. I love my tattoo. Every time I look at it I am proud of my brother and am honored to have a piece of him with me.

January

This month we have been trying to find some sense of normalcy. We've been home a lot with very little plans. It's been nice, although we sure are ready for some sandy beaches that may or may not be in our near future :) Some pictures from the last few weeks...

Our climber! Also, usually has a toothbrush in hand, much to Tyler's dismay

It snowed this week! Riley, our daring and brave girl. We always push her to try (almost) anything. She has proved to be quite bold. We love this about her. She bombed down hills on her tummy on the sled. I was quite the proud mother :) (Even when she flew into the bushes a few times)

Happy Weekend!

A little update

The last 4 months of my life have been a whirlwind, yet they feel like a lifetime. I'm not sure if anyone is even still reading this, but I enjoy posting photos of my kids here, so I'm going to give this a try again.

If you don't know what I've gone through, you can read my brother Andrew's blog by clicking here. Andrew died on November 26, 2011 after living with cancer for 3 years. Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and loving during this process. And really, the process of grieving has just begun. It has actually gotten worse and harder as time has continued forward. I think we were all protected in a bubble those first few weeks, motivated by the details we had to take care of and running on some kind of adrenaline. But now, as everyone has gone back to their lives, we are left with the emptiness and it just feels awful. Since my kids are young and demanding, I am often caught up in the day to day and march through the motions of my responsibilities. Whenever I have a quiet moment, the grief overtakes me and I am at a loss as to what to feel or think. It feels impossible that I have to live the rest of my life without Andrew, my brother and most favorite person. I'm sure I'll write about the process and my thoughts about it in this space from time to time. Mostly I'd like to continue to post about our weekly happenings, as now the small moments seem so much more relevant to me. And finding something to smile about (my kids!) is healing too.

October 2011:

My mom, siblings & I, the night before the run/walk at Greenlake that benefited Andrew. Watch a short video capturing the turnout here.

Halloween 2011 - yep, I dressed up as Snow White!

November 2011:

My baby turns 4 and we throw her a fancy tea party!

Thanksgiving 2011 ~ last thanksgiving and photo with Andrew

December 2011:

The day after Andrew's service we ride the monorail, visit the Space Needle and do downtown with Tyler's mom

Riley's first Nutcracker

Preschool Christmas program, Riley is a mouse in the manger scene

Santa Train, an annual tradition. I love that Sonja is screaming. It's classic!

Hope to be back here soon.

sonja's birthday party

we had fun celebrating sonja's 1st birthday last week. on her actual birthday we had a family celebration at home. riley helped me make chocolate cupcakes, decorate the house and pick out a few small gifts for her. we had so much fun getting everything ready for our sweet sonja! she loved her cupcake and we had fun thinking about her birth just 1 year ago.

then on sunday we had a family party for her in seattle. my family and tyler's family were able to be there and we had a yummy lunch, cake and presents. it was so fun to celebrate with the whole family. (we missed you rachel and sarah!)

i took sonja to her 12 month doctors appointment on monday and i got some of her stats. she weighs 18lbs 11oz and is 27 1/2" long. both in the 20%...we have a petite one! her head, however, is in the 95%! she is wearing some 6-12 month and some 12-18 month sizes. her feet are tiny...she still fits into 0-6 month shoes.

sonja is such a delight. she smiles and babbles all day long. she loves her sister and is generally happy. she is a speed crawler and is walking along the furniture and when we hold her hands. she loves to climb and is starting to love to pull everything apart! she can sit and play for a while, especially in riley's room. it is so adorable to see the two of them playing next to each other. sonja loves music and has even started dancing and waving both her hands up and down when she hears it. she is still taking 2 naps each day, but seems to be transitioning into 1. she still just has two top and two bottom teeth, but is working on a few new top teeth. everywhere we go people stop and admire sonja and her bright white blond hair and big bright blue eyes. she really has a way of drawing people in and seems to be quite social.

we love you sonja! you have added so much to our life in this last year. we are excited to see you grow this next year into a toddler!

First day of Preschool

Riley had her first day of preschool this morning. She did about 4 months of preschool last fall until we decided to pull her out. It was pricey, got in the way of Sonja's sleep and I was not really wanting to start the whole school routine until we absolutely had to. I'm really glad I decided to do that. It's given us lots of time to just be at home playing this past year. It's amazing how much difference a year can make though. Riley has been really ready for school these last few months. She's needed something more than just being home with me. So today could not come soon enough! She just went for 1 hour, then Thursday she'll start in with her normal schedule. She was very excited last night, but definitely had a lot of nerves mixed in too. She had a little trouble falling asleep and we even had some tears (although the tears were mostly due to Tyler's travel schedule).

Both Tyler and I were able to take her to school this morning and she was all smiles. She was especially excited about finding her cubby and being able to put her sweater in it. She was very brave and walked right into her classroom to her teacher. We were very proud of her and all I could think was, "When did my little baby get so big?!" It's always a mixed bag of emotions, watching my kids accomplish new things in this world. But mostly just very exciting and fun.

She was excited to see me when I picked her up and the teacher said she did great. She complained of a tummy ache today, which I hear and read is normal for any kind of change in a kid's life. After an afternoon walk to the park, she told me her tummy was feeling much better. She crashed at 7 tonight, a sure sign of a good day.

happy 1st birthday sonja

we are so excited over here that our little sonja drew is 1 today! she is a true delight and this past year has been full of so much joy. more on her 1 year stats later.

we love you sonja. we can't wait to see what you do with your chocolate cupcake tonight!

Movement

There is a lot of movement in our house...

Sonja started crawling a few weeks back and she is on the move. She is pulling herself up onto everything and taking walking steps along the furniture. She is so curious about everything and we think it's so cute! She's very proud of herself and has used her new skills to transport herself into Riley's room where she loves to demolish and take apart all kinds of things. It's adorable to see them "playing" together. Much more of that to come, I'm sure.

Riley is officially riding a bike now - no training wheels - a regular big girl bike. She's been on her balance bike for several months and lately she was showing signs she was ready to make the transition. Tyler scored a $10 craigslist bike and brought it home last Tuesday evening. After dinner we ventured out to the front and after a few tries she was riding on her own. It was amazing to watch and made me so proud (teary even!). The best part was how excited Riley was. She was so so proud of herself and was having so much fun. It's now been 1 week since we've had her bike and she begs to ride her bike morning, noon and night. She can start completely on her own and is getting really comfortable with it. I swear by balance bikes...the transition to a regular bike was completely seamless.

So you could say my life has changed - I am literally chasing after Sonja in the house and Riley down the street!