Maui

We spent 10 glorious nights on Maui at the end of January. We traveled with our good friends the Young's and had a wonderful trip. Even though we were there for 11 days, I could have stayed longer. I think all the kids were ready to come home though. They all spent the last few days begging us to not go to the beach. They were missing their toys at home. Ha! We tried to convince them the beach was 100 times better than their toys. We stayed in two different spots - the first part of the trip in Puamana, near Lahaina and the last part of our trip in south Kihei. We went to the beach every single day, snorkeled, stand up paddle boarded and cooked lots of yummy food. The guys had an afternoon of mountain biking on the volcano and us girls got to paddle board and swim with dolphins in the wild (AMAZING experience!) then end the day with a treatment at the Four Seasons. We were spoiled rotten and it was exactly what we needed. We saw whales breach every single day while we were there. Almost every time we looked out to the ocean we could spot them. A few times the whales were just off the beach and they were jumping and breaching right in front of us. It was a great experience. Other than playing on the beach, we got to see some good friends that still live on Maui and we even got to hang with my friends Carrie & Jeff from Seattle the last day we were there. We will definitely be going back to Maui as soon as possible.

February

This month sure is a drag! Especially since we spent the first week in Maui (that post is coming!). Tyler has been on a few work trips this month, my kids have been sick and the weather has been cold and rainy. Plus, the daily grief of missing my brother and trying to wade through what that means has all added up to a long month that I'd love to soon forget. However, we have had several moments and days of fun and joy. I am trying to focus on that, although the weight of the grief is sometimes just too heavy. I am trying to be very gentle to myself, even though taking care of myself is often the last priority. I am focusing on simple things I can work into my busy every day life. I know that this journey of grief is long, so I am being patient and ready to settle in for the long haul.

But, oh, every day I just wish Andrew were here! That's the part that seems unbearable. The loss of the friendship is huge in my life. He was my mentor, my greatest fan and my best friend. To go from communicating with a person on a daily basis to one day nothing is completely startling. And it's not just for one day or a week or even a month. It's for the rest of my entire life. I will never again get to see him or talk to him or know everything about his life and he about mine. Not until it is my time to die and we can be reunited in heaven. I have now become obsessed with heaven and want to read and know all about it. Andrew is there, and I want to know what it's like! I have also been soaking up books about the meaning of life as well as books on grief. They seem to offer the healing salve that my heart needs.

Now on to pictures of my kids. This month we've been busy with preschool, birthday parties, dinner with friends, sledding and walking/bike riding when we can. I seem to be seriously slack in the photo taking department lately. I take a lot of pictures with my phone and post them to instagram, so follow me there if you're not! (ekdenton)

For Valentines day we went all out and make cards, cookies and set the table for a super fun family dinner

Sometimes things get a little crazy around here

Drinking their breakfast smoothies in pj's in front of the fire...so cozy!

Sonja's first painting venture. She loved it and kept screaming at me for more paint!

My super funny 17 month old

We spent all of yesterday in our pj's playing around the house. (And I can't ever get Riley to look at the camera!)

Ashley & Andrew

I will never forget the first time I met Ashley. I was visiting Andrew in the hospital with my kids and she walked by his room, decked out in her crimson WSU scrubs. She looked in and saw the kids and stopped in his door. She smiled and said, "I wore these scrubs for you!" Andrew (a staunch Husky) and her had a laugh. She was beaming and excited to meet my girls. She left the room after a few minutes and I turned to Andrew and said, "WHO IS THAT?, she is CUTE!". He told me who she was and that he liked her. He said she was kinda seeing someone, "but don't worry...I'll get her". From the moment I saw and met Ashley, I loved her. Over the months they became fast friends and quickly realized they had both found true love.

Ashley became a Moritz sister, though not by law, but by love. We love her as our own and she will always be one of us. She and Andrew didn't have long together on this earth, but their love was real and true in the most magical way. It was beautiful to witness. She was sent to us, to him, to love. Andrew had said that he was afraid to die with out ever meeting someone he loved. But he said, "but then I met Ashley". He told me he was so sad to think about life without Ashley. He died holding Ashley's hand. They will one day be together again.

The Moritz Sisters

(photo by Kristen Gough)

5 days after Andrew died us sisters went and did this:

(photo by Kristen Gough)

Something I never thought I would want to do. But when someone who is a part of you dies, you are compelled to take extreme measures to remember and honor them. This tattoo is an almost exact replica of one of Andrew's tattoo's. He got his "Drew" tattoo in college on his right arm. We took lots of pictures of it and gave them to the tattoo artist. He shrunk the size down, thinned out and shaded some of the lines to make it a bit more feminine. I love my tattoo. Every time I look at it I am proud of my brother and am honored to have a piece of him with me.

January

This month we have been trying to find some sense of normalcy. We've been home a lot with very little plans. It's been nice, although we sure are ready for some sandy beaches that may or may not be in our near future :) Some pictures from the last few weeks...

Our climber! Also, usually has a toothbrush in hand, much to Tyler's dismay

It snowed this week! Riley, our daring and brave girl. We always push her to try (almost) anything. She has proved to be quite bold. We love this about her. She bombed down hills on her tummy on the sled. I was quite the proud mother :) (Even when she flew into the bushes a few times)

Happy Weekend!

A little update

The last 4 months of my life have been a whirlwind, yet they feel like a lifetime. I'm not sure if anyone is even still reading this, but I enjoy posting photos of my kids here, so I'm going to give this a try again.

If you don't know what I've gone through, you can read my brother Andrew's blog by clicking here. Andrew died on November 26, 2011 after living with cancer for 3 years. Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and loving during this process. And really, the process of grieving has just begun. It has actually gotten worse and harder as time has continued forward. I think we were all protected in a bubble those first few weeks, motivated by the details we had to take care of and running on some kind of adrenaline. But now, as everyone has gone back to their lives, we are left with the emptiness and it just feels awful. Since my kids are young and demanding, I am often caught up in the day to day and march through the motions of my responsibilities. Whenever I have a quiet moment, the grief overtakes me and I am at a loss as to what to feel or think. It feels impossible that I have to live the rest of my life without Andrew, my brother and most favorite person. I'm sure I'll write about the process and my thoughts about it in this space from time to time. Mostly I'd like to continue to post about our weekly happenings, as now the small moments seem so much more relevant to me. And finding something to smile about (my kids!) is healing too.

October 2011:

My mom, siblings & I, the night before the run/walk at Greenlake that benefited Andrew. Watch a short video capturing the turnout here.

Halloween 2011 - yep, I dressed up as Snow White!

November 2011:

My baby turns 4 and we throw her a fancy tea party!

Thanksgiving 2011 ~ last thanksgiving and photo with Andrew

December 2011:

The day after Andrew's service we ride the monorail, visit the Space Needle and do downtown with Tyler's mom

Riley's first Nutcracker

Preschool Christmas program, Riley is a mouse in the manger scene

Santa Train, an annual tradition. I love that Sonja is screaming. It's classic!

Hope to be back here soon.